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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show the comparison of time spent, in minutes per day, by UK males and females on household and leisure activities in 2008.

The charts below show the comparison of time spent, in minutes per day, by UK males and females on household and leisure activities in 2008.
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The table and bar graph illustrate the
minutes
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 spent by UK
men
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 and
women
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on
Change preposition
in
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 their free
time
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 and household chores every
day
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 in 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, the UK population spent more
time
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 watching TV and listening
radio
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to radio
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 programs,
while
Linking Words
few
Correct article usage
a few
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minutes
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 were on reading books and
sports
Add a missing verb
doing sports
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 activities.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, cooking and washing dishes consumed most of females
time
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 than
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men
Change noun form
men's
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;
however
Linking Words
, the allocated
time
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 for
repair
Wrong verb form
repairing
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, washing and ironing clothes
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 the same for both
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
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. The average
time
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 spent by UK
men
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in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
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 and listening radio was 137
minutes
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 per
day
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,
while
Linking Words
women
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 at 118.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
men
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 and
women
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 dedicated less than 20
minutes
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 per
day
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reading
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to reading
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 books
while
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 exercises took
the
Correct article usage
apply
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only 15
minutes
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 for males and 11
minutes
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 for females. In terms of household activities, the average
minutes
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 per
day
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 for
women
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 to wash and cook
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 70,
whereas
Linking Words
men
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 took only 30
minutes
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 to do these chores.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
women
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 spent less than 40
minutes
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in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
shopping, washing and ironing clothes. Meanwhile, the proportion of
time
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 allocated for repairing, washing and ironing clothes was the same at 10
minutes
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 for
women
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 and
men
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, respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words minutes, men, women, time, day with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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