IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You should spend 20 minutes on this task The graph shows the percentage of male and female academic staff member across the faculty of a major university in 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparison where relevant

You should spend 20 minutes on this task The graph shows the percentage of male and female academic staff member across the faculty of a major university in 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparison where relevant
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The data in
bar
Correct article usage
the bar
show examples
 graph demonstrate the portion of male and female academic staff members in all
format
Fix the agreement mistake
formats
show examples
 of
bigger
Add an article
the bigger
a bigger
show examples
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
 in the year 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, engineering
fail
Replace the word
failure
show examples
 has the highest male involvement with
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 least
women
Use synonyms
participation
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
,
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 faculty has the highest portion of
women
Use synonyms
 involvement and in
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
male
Add a comma
male,
show examples
 it is 22
Correct word choice
and viceversa
show examples
viceversa
Correct your spelling
vice versa
vice-versa
. It
is clearly observe
Change the verb form
is clearly observed
show examples
 that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 male
participation
Use synonyms
 in engineering is almost 81% which is the highest of all other
category
Change the wording
categories
show examples
on the other hand
Linking Words
 only around 18%
Change preposition
of female
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 are engaged in
this
Linking Words
 field. Both science and business have exactly the same number of
embolment
Correct your spelling
employment
embalmment
 of both men and
women
Use synonyms
 with a percentage of around 62% mail and almost 39% of female respectively. Law is another significant faculty of male
participation
Use synonyms
 with a
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 of 60 and more than half of it 40%
participation
Use synonyms
 of female.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 had a major hand in
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
 field with almost 79
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
however
Linking Words
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 are less in
this
Linking Words
 category
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
just 21
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 are found more in art classes teaching art with a percentage of around 59 and
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 with around figure of 41%.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words women, participation with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: