Some people get into debt by buying things they do not need and are unable to afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?

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In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

very progressive and materialistic world,
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

often buy things by borrowing
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

from others even though that
not
Add a missing verb
is not

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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an essential stuff worth borrowing. They want to show the world that they can afford anything because nowadays
because
Correct word choice
apply

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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the way you portray yourself shows
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others

It seems that other may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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that you are richer
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply

It seems that quantifier use may be incorrect here.

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than the
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in your bank.
People
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

need to learn that they have to think
imapritively
Correct your spelling
imperatively

If you don’t want imapritively to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

before buying stuff and spending
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Especially the
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, one borrows from others. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

digitally advanced world,
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

want to use all the
advance
Replace the word
advanced

The word advance doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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tech possible, but the cost for them is
comparitively
Correct your spelling
comparatively

If you don’t want comparitively to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

high, so these companies came up with an idea they help us finance these
products
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

with some little extra fees.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps

It seems that the verb help does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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customers who don’t have any
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances

It seems that finance may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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at that point
can
Verb problem
apply

There may be a verb use issue here.

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buy that product but
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

encourages other
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

who cannot really even afford to pay the
installment
Change the spelling
instalment

The spelling of installment is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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and
Correct word choice
apply

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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in
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

addition
Add a comma
addition,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase in addition. Consider adding a comma.

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they don’t even need these
products
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

but still when the product is available easily on finance, so they will keep buying these and their debt keeps on increasing.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

goes
on
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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all luxury
products
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

as their marketing is done that way and the consumer thinks if they own certain
products
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

that will make them look rich, in a way
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is working really
good
Change the word
well

Good seems to be the wrong part of speech for this context.

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for them. To prevent
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

from buying, credit companies should maintain
a
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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linear data through them to keep
in
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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track
how
Change preposition
of how

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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much the customer is earning and
will
Correct word choice
whether will

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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he be able to afford it or not.
Linking Words
Linking Words
Similarly
Add a comma
Similarly,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase Similarly. Consider adding a comma.

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they need to access their credit score before lending the
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Even
government
Correct article usage
the government

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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should ban financing on certain
products
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

which have their cost as high as
sky
Add an article
the sky

The noun phrase sky seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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and still the
products
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

come in the category of
non essentials
Add a hyphen
non-essentials

It appears that non essentials is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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. If the country is progressive and
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

spend their
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

wisely on the things they can afford
then
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

help
Change the verb form
helps

The plural verb help does not appear to agree with the singular subject this. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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the country to get
economic
Add an article
an economic

The noun phrase economic boost seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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boost but
Linking Words
Linking Words
instead
Add a comma
instead,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase instead. Consider adding a comma.

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if
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

keep buying stuff by getting into debt, it plunges the economy
as well as
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

those buyers. It’s important that the consumers, the lenders and the government all
of
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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understand their roles in
economy
Add an article
the economy

The noun phrase economy seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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and spend and lend
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

wisely.
Submitted by engineerkhushbu97 on

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Task Achievement
In your essay, try to include more specific examples that relate directly to the problem of people incurring debt, and the potential solutions you discuss.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider improving logical connections between sentences and paragraphs to make your argument more fluid. Using connectors like 'furthermore', 'however', or 'on the other hand' can help.
Task Achievement
While you have addressed both parts of the question, more depth and detail could enhance your response. Be sure to thoroughly examine both the causes and solutions with supporting evidence.
Task Achievement
You have a clear introduction that outlines the issue and suggests a critical stance.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is generally well-structured with distinct paragraphs for different ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
You attempt to consider various stakeholders (consumers, lenders, government) which shows an understanding of broad perspectives.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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