IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Sales companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated workers. Do you think money is the driving force behind hardwork? What factors should be taken into consideration when recruiting staff for sales position?

#sales #companies #people #money #workers #force #hardwork #factors #consideration #staff #position
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the importance of intrinsic versus extrinsic motivation in performance well at work the role of financial incentives as a primary motivator for some individuals but not all examining other motivating factors
such
Linking Words
 as passion for the job, career development, and workplace culture Balancing financial incentives with other benefits
such
Linking Words
 as work-life balance and job security considering candidates' communication skills, emotional intelligence, and ability to build good relationships understanding the impact of experience and proven track record in sales roles. evaluating a candidate's ability to adapt to different sales strategies and environment analyzing the potential of long-term commitment and loyalty to the company by recruitment policies Analyzing the potential of long-term commitment and loyalty of the company by recruitment policies
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coherence cohesion
Consider enhancing the organization of ideas by creating a clearer introduction and conclusion to wrap up your arguments effectively.
task achievement
Add more specific examples or scenarios to illustrate the role of financial incentives and other motivating factors in sales positions.
task achievement
The essay covers a range of motivating factors beyond financial incentives, such as passion, career development, and workplace culture.
task achievement
The discussion on balancing financial incentives with other benefits like work-life balance and job security is insightful.
task achievement
The essay considers candidates' soft skills, like communication and emotional intelligence, which are crucial for sales roles.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • intrinsic motivation
  • extrinsic motivation
  • financial incentives
  • workplace culture
  • career development
  • work-life balance
  • emotional intelligence
  • communication skills
  • relationship building
  • proven track record
  • adaptability
  • commitment and loyalty
  • recruitment policies
  • job security
  • dedicated workers
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