IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people get into debt by buying things they do not need and are unable to afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?

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Purchasing unnecessary and unaffordable items makes some
people
Use synonyms
 get into debt.
This
Linking Words
 essay will suggest that the reasons why
people
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 behave like
this
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is
Change the verb form
are
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 because of their lavish lifestyle and exposure to luxurious life’s
content
Use synonyms
. The most viable solution for
this
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 behaviour is to have one’s financial awareness by recording
an
Correct article usage
apply
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incomes-expenses
Correct your spelling
income-expenses
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.
People
Use synonyms
 getting into debt are possibly
due to
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 having an expensive way of living. Regular spending on
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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costly services and products can outnumber their income which leads to borrowing
others
Change noun form
others'
other's
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 money in order to support these
purchase
Fix the agreement mistake
purchases
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.
Additionally
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, they might want to buy it on the grounds of continuous
expose
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exposure
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 to the rich
content
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 on social media. It is normal that
people
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 like to
showing
Wrong verb form
show
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 off their wealthy lifestyle as a remark of their success and presenting
this
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 online may influence others to have it as well.
For instance
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, many
people
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 on
instagram
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Instagram
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 like to post pictures of themselves with luxury
brand
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brands
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 and expensive dishes for their
content
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 rather than actually want it. One way to prevent
this
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 group of
people
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 from buying things irrationally is to have an awareness of their own financial balance by tracking income and
outcome
Fix the agreement mistake
outcomes
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 record is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
solid proof of how much we have by presenting two sides of the figure; one is the money we receive and the other is what we pay. Seeing
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 aforementioned numbers can help us realise our purchase ability and create self-control to buy things sensibly.
For example
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, several college students in big cities often record their balance in order to survive in a luxurious setting. In conclusion, the reasons why
people
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 are overly
purchase
Wrong verb form
purchasing
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thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
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 beyond
of
Change preposition
apply
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their pocket is because of living lavishly and exposure to wealthy media
content
Use synonyms
 that unconsciously
drive
Correct subject-verb agreement
drives
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 them to own it. Tracking expenses can
solved
Change the verb form
solve
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this
Linking Words
 impulsive act by promoting self-awareness of their financial status and self-control.

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, provide more expansive examples that depict people getting into debt due to extravagant lifestyles and media influence. Connecting these examples specifically to your points could further strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, ensure that there is a smooth transition between paragraphs and ideas. Consider using transitional words such as "furthermore," "moreover," or "similarly" to enhance the flow. This will help in maintaining a more seamless connection between sections.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides an introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the arguments well and ensure a clear narrative.
coherence cohesion
Main points are logically structured and supported with relevant explanations, particularly the discussion of consumer behavior influenced by social media and lavish lifestyles.
task achievement
The essay responds completely to the task prompt by identifying reasons and presenting solutions, covering all aspects asked by the prompt.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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