IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Employment should give their staff at least a 4-week holiday a year to make employees better at their jobs. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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The idea that
employees
Use synonyms
 should receive a long holiday to enhance job performance
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is a debatable topic.
While
Linking Words
 some may argue that extended vacation reduce productivity, I to some
extend
Replace the word
extent
show examples
 agree with the view
of
Change preposition
that
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 providing time off to
employees
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 beneficial to both
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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 and organisations.
Firstly
Linking Words
, regular holidays
contributes
Change the verb form
contribute
show examples
 to physical and mental
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
well-being. Overworking can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to stress, burn-out,
Correct word choice
and decrease
show examples
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 efficiency. When
employees
Use synonyms
 are well-rested, they
returned
Wrong verb form
return
show examples
 to work with full energy, improved focus,
high
Correct word choice
and high
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motivated
Replace the word
motivation
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 which leads to higher productivity and efficiency.
Secondly
Linking Words
, longer holidays can enhance job performance on
wok-life-balance
Correct your spelling
work-life balance
show examples
.
Employees
Use synonyms
 who spend quality time with their families, engage with their hobbies or travel tend to be happier at work and boost their creativity. A four-week holiday is
sufficient
Change the article
a sufficient
show examples
 time for proper relaxation, prevention
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 anxiety and maintaining long-term motivation. Research has shown that companies with well-structured leave policies often experience lower
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
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 of turnover and higher employee satisfaction.
However
Linking Words
, some may argue that extended leave may disrupt
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
on-going
Correct your spelling
ongoing
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 business activity, particularly in industries
Correct pronoun usage
that needs
show examples
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
continuous
service
Change the noun form
services
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as healthcare and small business. Small businesses may be affected to accommodate long absences without affecting workflow.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, well-planned leave distribution and temporary replacements may mitigate
this
Linking Words
 risk. In conclusion, I believe sabbatical leave should be standard practice, as not only it
contributes
Wrong verb form
contribute
show examples
 to the
employee
Change noun form
employee's
show examples
mental-health
Correct your spelling
mental health
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 which leads to higher motivation to perform better in work but it will
also
Linking Words
 increase productivity.
While
Linking Words
 implementation may require careful planning,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
show examples
 the long-term benefits outweigh the drawbacks, making it a worthwhile investment for both the employee and the employer.

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introduction conclusion present
Although your introduction presents a clear stance, aim to refine your thesis statement for greater precision. Additionally, your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed.
logical structure
Utilize transitional words and phrases to create smoother connections between ideas, enhancing the logical flow of your arguments.
relevant specific examples
Provide more detailed examples or evidence to reinforce your main points, making your arguments more convincing and relevant.
complete response
Your essay successfully addresses the task, acknowledging and discussing both sides of the argument presented by the topic.
introduction conclusion present
You effectively summarize your arguments, emphasizing the benefits of extended holidays for employees and employers.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Recharge
  • Productivity
  • Job performance
  • Motivation
  • Morale
  • Work-life balance
  • Job satisfaction
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Employee loyalty
  • Turnover rates
  • Continuity
  • Redistribution of workload
  • Disruption
  • Efficiency
What to do next:
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