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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below show the percentage of time younger and older people spend on various Internet activities in their free time (excluding email). Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentage of time younger and older people spend on various Internet activities in their free time (excluding email). Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie charts compare the proportion of time younger and older people spend on six different internet
activities
Use synonyms
 in their free time.
Overall
Linking Words
, the 18-26
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 had the highest percentage of internet
activities
Use synonyms
 in social networking,
while
Linking Words
 the 60-70
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 had the highest share in making
booking
Fix the agreement mistake
bookings
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the 18-26
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 had the highest at social networking and second highest at accessing music and film with 24% and 21%, respectively,
while
Linking Words
 playing games, making purchases and making bookings had the smallest contribution to the internet
activities
Use synonyms
 with 18%,12% and 5%, respectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
researching
Replace the word
research
show examples
 ranked
at
Change preposition
apply
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the third highest with 20%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, compared with the first
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
, social networking ranked third with 21% in the 60-70
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
. The making booking had a higher than any other
activities
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, making purchases had the same proportion in both groups. 60-70
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 had a lower share in social networking,
whereas
Linking Words
 researching was higher than other
group
Use synonyms

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words activities, age, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "compare" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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