IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that employers should focus on the personal qualities of potential job seekers instead of their academic qualifications and experience. To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

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Having employment is vital for everyone to live a better life. In recent times, some groups of people think that it is required for employers to focus more on the personal qualities of candidates rather than their educational qualifications and relevant
experience
Use synonyms
. I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint and will explain my thoughts with examples in the following essay.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are several reasons that can be considered to support that consideration of
education
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 and
experience
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 is essential for employers rather than selecting candidates who have good personal qualities. First and foremost, individuals who have completed their studies and completed their work placements have better theoretical and practical knowledge, which helps organizations in many ways for betterment.
For instance
Linking Words
, people who did their
education
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 in the HR field with the completion of internships have in-depth knowledge about how to hire good talents and how to complete the whole recruitment cycle, which
support
Change the verb form
supports
show examples
 companies to fulfil their needs and their growth.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some professions
required
Wrong verb form
require
show examples
 a lot of years
Use synonyms
education
Change preposition
of education
show examples
 and expertise to get employment. To illustrate, the occupation of doctors involves higher academics
as well as
Linking Words
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
 for advising people about their health issues, in
this
Linking Words
 line, individuals with only personal qualities cannot compete for a good
job
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. Apart from that, in recent years, a study by the University of Waterloo mentioned that most of the multinational companies are selecting
those
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
candidates who have a good educational background and
experience
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 related to
job
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 postings. To summarize, employers have to think wisely and choose
job
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 seekers who have valid
education
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 and
experience
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 relevant to the
job
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 positions.
As a result
Linking Words
, it can be beneficial to both the organization and the candidate for their growth.

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task achievement
Consider providing more detailed examples and personal opinions to strengthen your arguments. This will enhance the depth of your analysis.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure a smoother flow between points in your paragraphs to improve coherence. Use more linking words or phrases to connect ideas clearly.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your viewpoint and outlines the structure of your essay effectively.
task achievement
You have presented valid reasons and examples to support your opinion, which strengthens your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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