Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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In today’s world, mandatory enlistment in a national service has been commonly implemented in most countries. Some people suggested that

this

Linking Words

adoption of the system in all

nation

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nations

show examples

is a brilliant idea, regardless

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of genders

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genders

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gender

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. In my opinion, I agree with

this

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view

due to

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its significant advantages, especially for promoting

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

national loyalty, as well

enhancing

Correct word choice

as enhancing

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personal growth and development.

Firstly

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, taking part in military service can foster individuals’ patriotism and devotion to their country. Usually, theory classes

such

Linking Words

as history, national security and geopolitics are available during services, where they will learn about past wars and significant events that occurred before the independence of the country.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, they will gain a deeper understanding

regarding

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show examples

national heroes and warriors who had sacrificed to protect the nation from the invaders.

By attaining

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Attaining

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thorough knowledge about national history,

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apply

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will open their eyes and

Verb problem

make them

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more aware of the importance of preserving peace and security from future threats.

Secondly

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, participating in conscription can promote numerous benefits for

individual’s

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an individual’s

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growth and development. During their services, they are required to

oblige

Verb problem

obey

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military’s

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the military’s

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rules and lifestyles, which

known

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are known

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to be absolutely strict and rigid, compared to a normal citizen’s life.

Furthermore

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, they will be asked to perform vigorous

military’s

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military

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routines and

trainings

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training

pieces of training

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, which are physically and mentally demanding.

While

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these obligations could be very challenging and tough at the beginning, not only

they

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do they

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promote various benefits to individuals’ physical fitness but

also

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foster one’s discipline and mental strengths, which are valuable skills in the future. In conclusion, I believe that the enforcement of conscription law promotes plenty of advantages, especially

Change preposition

for

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the

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apply

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young men and women after they

graduated

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graduate

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their

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from their

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schools

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school

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. Serving in

military

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the military

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surely will enhance their sense of patriotism towards their country,

as well as

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positively cultivate one’s growth and development.

nurulsyakirinSun Feb 02 2025

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Task Achievement

Your essay has a clear introduction that states your opinion, but make sure your main points are distinct and fully explored.

Coherence and Cohesion

Try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of your essay. This can help your ideas connect more smoothly.

Task Achievement

Include more specific examples or personal anecdotes to support your arguments. This will strengthen your response and provide more depth.

Task Achievement

Your introduction effectively presents your opinion on the topic, setting a good foundation for your essay.

Coherence and Cohesion

You have structured your essay logically, with clear paragraphs that focus on individual points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

298 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Compulsory
Military service
Conscription
Patriotism
National security
Social equality
Discipline
Physical fitness
Life skills
Job training
Infringement
Conscripts
Gender equality
Mandatory
Economy
Education system
Labor market
Civil service
Alternative forms
Balanced view

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The cultures of many countries around the world becomes more similar than they used to be. What are the reasons for this trend? Is it positive or negative?