IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Employment should give their staff at least a 4-week holiday a year to make employees better at their jobs. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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Most individuals say that, to make workers good at their
work
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, companies must provide a
month – long
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month–long
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 holiday. I totally agree with
this
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 statement. The agreement to the notion
along with
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 the conclusion is explained below in
this
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 essay. To start with, one of the prominent reasons to provide a break for employees is to provide them a
time
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 to get rid of the office workload. To explain, if workers
work
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 in a company without a break,
then
Linking Words
 it will definitely decrease their ability to perform.
Due to
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which
Correct pronoun usage
this
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,
performance
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the performance
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 of the office may decline, significantly reducing the profitability. Not only that, providing a holiday helps staff to boost their physical and mental health.
According to
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 the research held by Oxford University, employees who take a small break from their
work
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 have greater physical and mental ability than employees who
work
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 without a break from their
work
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.
Moreover
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, another viable reason is to provide
a
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apply
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time
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 for staff to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 their personal will
such
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 as having a trip to a different destination with their family and participating in social
works
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work
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. Holidays provide an opportunity for workers to become sociable by participating in social activities
along with
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 volunteering in social
works
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work
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.
Besides
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 that, it
also
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 helps them to make a strong bond with their families by spending
time
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 with them and going on a vacation tour with them.
To conclude
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, it is very important for staff to have at least four weeks of vacation from their job
,
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apply
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 so that they get
time
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 to overcome workload which helps them to recover from different health conditions and have
time
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 to make strong relationships with
neighbors
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neighbours
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 and families.

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task achievement
Enhance the clarity of your introduction by stating your main points or a brief outline of your essay. This will help guide the reader through your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly relates back to your main argument. Consider using transitional phrases to connect ideas more explicitly within and between paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your claims and improve the depth of your arguments. For instance, give a real-world example of a company that increased productivity through employee holidays.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance in agreement with the topic, which is essential for task achievement.
task achievement
The points raised about mental and physical health are relevant and contribute to the argument.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the importance of holidays for employees.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Recharge
  • Productivity
  • Job performance
  • Motivation
  • Morale
  • Work-life balance
  • Job satisfaction
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Employee loyalty
  • Turnover rates
  • Continuity
  • Redistribution of workload
  • Disruption
  • Efficiency
What to do next:
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