IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

In companies’ promotions to high positions should be given to employees inside the company, not to someone from outside or new hiring. Do you agree or disagree?

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Employers should give
promotions
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 to employees who have been working for a long
time
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 for the
company
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, and the
promotions
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 should not be given to employees who just got hired
in
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by
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 the
company
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.
This
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 essay agrees with
this
Linking Words
 idea, because workers who have been working for ages for the
company
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 as result, they deserve
promotions
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,
while
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 new workers should work hard to get
promotions
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. Employees who work so hard for the
company
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 should be given a high
position
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 as an
honor
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honour
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 for what they have done for the
company
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. the
employee
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 would be delighted with the promotion so, he would be comfortable for the long
time
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 that he spends his age with the
company
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 he might not
often
Rephrase
apply
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see his family a lot often.
Therefore
Linking Words
 he deserves anything he receives from the
company
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.
Promotions
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 and high
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position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
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 should not be given to new
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employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
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. because
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 that will be not fair for the old
employee
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 who has been working for a long
time
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 in the
company
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.
New
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The new
A new
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 worker should first
has
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have
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 to have some experience ,
Correct word choice
and mpre
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mpre
Correct your spelling
more
 knowledge and he should work for ages to get a high
position
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 in the
company
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. In conclusion
given
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giving
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 a high
position
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 to an
employee
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 who worked with you for a long
time
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 is much better
to give
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than giving
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 it to
new
Add an article
a new
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employee
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 who just
get
Wrong verb form
got
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 into the
company
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.

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task achievement
Work on developing more clear main ideas and supporting them with specific examples. For instance, you could elaborate on how promotions impact employee morale and company productivity.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus and logically flows from one idea to the next. Transition words can help create a smoother flow.
task achievement
You clearly express your opinion on the topic, demonstrating a clear stance throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction outlines the main idea of the essay well, making your position clear.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • internal promotion
  • employee morale
  • career advancement
  • corporate culture
  • external candidate
  • fresh perspectives
  • onboarding
  • skill gaps
  • loyalty
  • innovation
  • competitive edge
  • resource allocation
  • smoother transitions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: