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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the annual number of rentals and sales (in various formats) of film from a particular store between 2002 and 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the annual number of rentals and sales (in various formats) of film from a particular store between 2002 and 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The graph depicts the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of
films
Use synonyms
 that have been sold and rented yearly in some
store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
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among
Change preposition
over
show examples
 ten years. It is clear from the graph that, there is an increase in
DVD
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the rentals of
films
Use synonyms
 and VHS
sales
Use synonyms
 show
gradual
Add an article
a gradual
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 decline.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown, the sale of
DVD
Use synonyms
films
Use synonyms
show
Change the verb form
shows
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 a significant rise. In 2002 almost 45000
Use synonyms
DVD
Fix the agreement mistake
DVDs
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 were sold, the next five years the
sales
Use synonyms
 increased to more than
the
Correct article usage
apply
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half. By 2008 and forward, a slight decline
occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
 in
DVD
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
films
Change the noun form
film
show examples
 rentals decreased steadily. In 2002, about 195000
films
Use synonyms
have been
Wrong verb form
were
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 rented,
the
Change preposition
in the
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 coming years a gradual fall happened and reached less than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2011.
Moreover
Linking Words
,the graph illustrates a high sale for VHS in 2002 ,
then
Linking Words
 the number dropped and reached the lowest point in 2005.
However
Linking Words
, the BLU-RAY
sales
Use synonyms
 had never
showen
Correct your spelling
shown
 until the year 2007, it started by nearly 2000. After that, a slow climb happened.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words films, dvd, sales with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradual" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • annual
  • rentals
  • sales
  • formats
  • preference
  • decline
  • peak
  • dominance
  • shift in consumer behavior
  • competition
  • streaming services
  • recovery
  • interest
  • gradual increase
  • consistent market
  • highlighting
  • success
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