IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The line graph shows value changes in the UK steel industry between 1970 and 2000, while the second line chart shows employment status in the same industry.

The line graph shows value changes in the UK steel industry between 1970 and 2000, while the second line chart shows employment status in the same industry.
Both graphs Illustrate fluctuations related to the steel
indusrty
Correct your spelling
industry
 in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 covering the period
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1970 till 2000. The
line
Use synonyms
 graph highlights the value alterations
while
Linking Words
 the
line
Use synonyms
 chart demonstrates the employment status
Overall
Linking Words
, regarding the value graph, both the total demand and the import lines have faced
clear
Correct article usage
a clear
show examples
declination
Replace the word
decline
show examples
,
On the
Linking Words
contrary
Add the comma(s)
contrary,
show examples
 the UK production
line
Use synonyms
 has increased quite a lot over the 30 years. Moving on to the chart,
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the employment status has drastically declined
through out
Correct your spelling
throughout
show examples
this
Linking Words
 period. Taking a closer look
into
Change preposition
at
show examples
value
Correct article usage
the value
show examples
 graph, the production
line
Use synonyms
 used to be the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 in 1970,
while
Linking Words
 the import and demand lines were too high in
values
Fix the agreement mistake
value
show examples
 getting approximately 160K and 2 million. In 1980 the production
line
Use synonyms
 had a slight
raise
Correct your spelling
rise
show examples
, reaching 50K.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words line with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 4 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: