IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people say that the higher positions in any company should be given only to their own employees and not somebody outside the company and new worker. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is no denying the fact that top roles
is
Change the verb form
are
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 the
centre
Replace the word
central
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 heart of any organisation.
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held belief that hiring old workers would be better, there is
also
Linking Words
 an argument
opposes
Wrong verb form
opposing
show examples
this
Linking Words
 idea. In my opinion, I consider that new employees would not serve better than
olders
Correct your spelling
older
in
Correct pronoun usage
ones in
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 these special positions.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there is a faith that companies which have their own workers in leadership roles
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 get many benefits.
In other words
Linking Words
, they obtain an increase in annual budget.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
unnew
Correct your spelling
a new
 workforce is one of the successful elements.
For example
Linking Words
, the majority of leaders in the big companies in the world
such
Linking Words
 as Apple, Aramco and Meta were employees. Another point to consider, new workers would not have a massive
loyality
Correct your spelling
loyalty
 to
new
Add an article
the new
a new
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 organisation. It is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that the first ones will be loyal and work hard because they see their company as a part
from
Change preposition
of
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 life.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, bringing a leader is not from inside it will be a destruction hummer. Because that means
bring
Wrong verb form
bringing
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 several principles which a company did not use to
has
Wrong verb form
have
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. In conclusion, despite people having different views. I believe that if any organisation
wnats
Correct your spelling
wants
 to keep persisting in various directions, it should
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
hire its old people in higher positions.

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task achievement
Ensure that your thesis statement clearly outlines your position and the main points you will discuss. This sets a clear expectation for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Use transitions or linking words to improve the flow of your essay. This will help guide the reader through your ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
Avoid vague language such as 'old workers' and 'unnew workforce.' Be specific in your terminology to enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear focus, and make sure to develop your main ideas more fully with explanations and examples.
task achievement
You provided a clear opinion and some relevant points supporting your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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