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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows information about calorie consumption in seven countries in 1975 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.

The chart below shows information about calorie consumption in seven countries in 1975 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.
The chart demonstrates the total amount of calorie consumption in different countries in 1975 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, Brazil was the top country which consumed the most
calories
Use synonyms
 in 1975 and 2000. And the second country that consumed the most
calories
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 were
China
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 and
Indonesia
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. In 1975, Brazil consumed 2500
calories
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 and it has
inceased
Correct your spelling
increased
 to 3000
calories
Use synonyms
 in 2000.
Although
Linking Words
 they have consumed 5500
calories
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 in total and became the
highest
Correct your spelling
highest-calorie
show examples
calories
Use synonyms
cosumption
Correct your spelling
consumption
 country
overall
Linking Words
. There was a dramatic increase in
China
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 and
Indonesia
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. In 1975, there
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 around 2000 calorie consumption in
China
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,
however
Linking Words
, there
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 a
slightly
Change the adverb
slight
show examples
 increase in 2000, which has been increased to 3000
calories
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. And the situation
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 as
Use synonyms
Indonesia
Change preposition
in Indonesia
show examples
. Both of them had
increase
Change the verb form
increased
show examples
around
Change preposition
to around
show examples
 1000
calories
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. Unlike Brazil,
China
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 and
Indonesia
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, the total amount of
calories
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 consumed in Bangladesh and Pakistan increased
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 few.
There
Correct pronoun usage
They
show examples
 were nearly unchanged in 1975 and 2000. Both of them had increased
around
Change preposition
to around
show examples
 300
calories
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words calories, china, indonesia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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