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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The pie charts display information about the percentages of British learners at
particular
Correct article usage
a particular
show examples
 university in England and who were willing to talk
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 other
languages
Use synonyms
 except English over a ten-year period, from 2000 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,in 2000, the majority of the
students
Use synonyms
 were not able to speak at other
language
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 few of them spoke both
german
Capitalize word
German
show examples
 only so it
equaled
Change the spelling
equalled
show examples
 to two other
languages
Use synonyms
section
Use synonyms
.
Similarly
Linking Words
, no other
language
Use synonyms
section
Use synonyms
 took again the most of the proportions of
students
Use synonyms
 in 2010.
However
Linking Words
,
atthe
Correct your spelling
at the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 rate of the
students
Use synonyms
, learners who spoke in
spanish
Change the capitalization
Spanish
show examples
 and
french
Capitalize word
French
show examples
 only
also
Linking Words
 joined to
german
Correct your spelling
German-only
show examples
only
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
group. With a detailed analysis of the charts, in 2010,the percentage of the no other
languages
Use synonyms
 option was slightly increased compared to 2000, they were 30% and 35%,respectively. There was
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
one more growth
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the rate of
students
Use synonyms
 in
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 other
languages
Use synonyms
section
Use synonyms
 and it reached
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
10% to 15% in 2010. the proportion of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 who spoke another
language
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased ⅓ times and it was 20% after a 10-year period.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the rate of
spanish
Change the capitalization
Spanish
show examples
 only option was dramatically decreased twice times and reached 10% in 2010. The proportion of the
German only
Add a hyphen
German-only
show examples
section
Use synonyms
 was the unique option which remained stable(10%)
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 both years.
Moreover
Linking Words
, The percentage of the learners who spoke only French
language
Use synonyms
 was declined
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
from 15% to 10% in 2010.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words languages, students, language, section with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • multilingualism
  • globalisation
  • immigration
  • education policy
  • career prospects
  • cultural understanding
  • distribution
  • percentage
  • increased/decreased
  • significant
  • trends
  • shifts
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