IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In recent time, young adults are spending less time with their families and more with their friends. Why has this occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend their time at home?

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There is a widely held view that there is a great deal of the young
prefer
Correct pronoun usage
who prefer
show examples
 to spend the majority of their
time
Use synonyms
 with their friends and they are not really interested in having fun with their family members and their
parents
Use synonyms
. There are various reasons for
this
Linking Words
issues
Fix the agreement mistake
issue
show examples
. The following paragraphs will discuss
thi
Correct your spelling
this
 matter and suggest some strategies to tackle
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, One of the main reasons why it is trending that adolescents are now spending more
time
Use synonyms
 outdoors with their peers rather than with their families is that their
parents
Use synonyms
 choose to lead work-oriented lifestyles over those that are dedicated to families. When the amount of
time
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 spent with families is not proportionated with that spent on working, many
parents
Use synonyms
 fail to provide enough
time
Use synonyms
 to bond with their offspring, and
as a result
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 turn to their friends to enjoy their free
time
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, rather than staying indoors, many affluent Gen Z in different parts of the world are usually seen hanging out at cafes or going to a movie with friends during the weekend. There is a wide range of strategies
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 be used to arrest
this
Linking Words
 trend. From psychologists and medical
exerts
Correct your spelling
experts
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,
children
Use synonyms
 should not be forcefully banned from outdoor activities. Doing so would limit their freedom to explore the world and potentially hinder them from transforming into the person they want to be in the future.
For example
Linking Words
, many schoolchildren in
highschool
Correct your spelling
high school
show examples
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
always volunteer in various charity events in order to help the communities
as well as
Linking Words
 explore what they really want to do in life.From
general
Correct article usage
the general
show examples
 public, adolescents with
this
Linking Words
 kind of mindset would grow into well-rounded citizens, contributing significantly to their societies and their nation.
To conclude
Linking Words
, mainly because of the
parents
Use synonyms
’ busy working schedule which does not enable them to spend sufficient
time
Use synonyms
 with their offspring, resulting in them choosing to go out with their peers. Even though it is believed that
children
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 should stay home and bond with their
parents
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, I do not think that it is right to keep
children
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 indoors all the
time
Use synonyms
 as exposing them to the outside world would enable them to achieve self-realisation, and in the end, are determined to attain their future goals.

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task achievement
Clarify your thesis statement to make your main argument more explicit. This will help guide the reader through your essay more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs clearly elaborate on one main idea each, and use linking words for smoother transitions between sentences and ideas.
task achievement
In your examples, make sure they are explicitly tied back to the main argument to strengthen your overall point.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and provides insights into the reasons for this trend and offers a perspective on parental involvement.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, like Gen Z hanging out at cafes, adds depth to your arguments and makes them more relatable.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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