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Writing Samples
Band 5

The graph shows the percentage of visiting the cinema once a month or more between 1984 to 2000 (4 age groups). Summarise the information and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows the percentage of visiting the cinema once a month or more between 1984 to 2000 (4 age groups). Summarise the information and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line graph illustrates the percentage of
cinema
Use synonyms
 visitors monthly or more across 4
age
Use synonyms
 groups from 1984 and 2003.
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out from the graph is that there was a
Use synonyms
fluctuation
Replace the word
fluctuating
show examples
trend
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 between all
age
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 groups over the given
period
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, individuals over the 15-24
age
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group
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 visited the
cinema
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 most,
while
Linking Words
 people over 35 years came rarely.
According to
Linking Words
 the graph, the highest pattern, the 15-24
age
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group
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 started at about 17% with a slight upward
trend
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 to over 34% in 1992.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the
trend
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 witnessed a
fluctuation
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 from 1992 to 2000 with a small increase
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 3%.
After
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, in 2003 there was a dramatic growth with a little
fluctuation
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, where the figure peaked
off
Change preposition
at
show examples
 over 56%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the data, the lowest indicator of the 19-year
period
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 relates to
an
Change the article
the
show examples
 oldest
group
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 over 35,
started
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 at 2% in 1984, followed by a small
fluctuation
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 till 2000
leveling
Change the spelling
levelling
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 at 8%, and after that had a minor rise to 13%
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
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. As for the rest of the
age
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 groups, about 11% of children aged between 7-14 visited the
cinema
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 in 1984. A consequent
fluctuation
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trend
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 from 1985 to 1998 experienced a remarkable rise
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 10%, and
then
Linking Words
 the upward
trend
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 fell markedly to 15% in 2000.
Next,
Linking Words
the percentage of
cinema
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 visitors fluctuated and reached
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
30%
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, individuals aged
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
25-35 underwent a
fluctuation
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trend
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 from 1984 (5%) to 1997 by 20% and
then
Linking Words
 fluctuated again and reached the
identical
Correct word choice
same
show examples
 number of visitors as the previous
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "additionally, at the end".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words cinema, age, fluctuation, trend, period, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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