IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagrams below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. upper river (slow moving) approx 5-6 months reeds small stones salmon eggs lower river (fast flowing) approx 4 years open sea approx 5 years 'smolt 'adult salmon' 12-158m 70-76cm_ 101

The diagrams below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. upper river (slow moving) approx 5-6 months reeds small stones salmon eggs lower river (fast flowing) approx 4 years open sea approx 5 years 'smolt 'adult salmon' 12-158m 70-76cm_ 101
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The diagrams illustrate the life cycle of various types of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
huge fish known as
salmon
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the first diagram depicts
series
Correct article usage
a series
show examples
 of pathways involved in the development and migration of
salmon
Use synonyms
,
whillst
Correct your spelling
whilst
while
 the second one shows their different phases of maturation, with associated lengths.
To begin
Linking Words
, looking at the existence of
this
Linking Words
 enormous fish,
firstly
Linking Words
, it lays eggs within the bed of a
slow moving
Add a hyphen
slow-moving
show examples
 upper river, in a small stone nest, sheltered by reeds. These eggs hatch into
fishes
Fix the agreement mistake
fish
show examples
 and swim off to a
fast flowing
Add a hyphen
fast-flowing
show examples
 lower
water
Use synonyms
 after 5-6 months. They remain in
this
Linking Words
water
Use synonyms
 for approximately four years. After which they relocate to an open sea, staying
here
Correct your spelling
there
show examples
 for almost 5 years. They are seen
afterward
Change the spelling
afterwards
show examples
 swimming back to the top
water
Use synonyms
 area
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 flows slowly to repeat the cycle.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, considering the varying stages of
salmon
Use synonyms
 maturation and their sizes, the earliest stage called fry, is about 3-8cm.
This
Linking Words
 is the first one which hatched from the eggs. The next is smolt,
and
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 is between 12 and 15cm. At
this
Linking Words
 phase, it enters an open sea.
Then
Linking Words
 it matures into an adult
salmon
Use synonyms
 of a colossal size of 70-76cm which swims back to the upper
water
Use synonyms
 it hatched from and the entire sequence is repeated.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words salmon, water with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagrams" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slow" was used 2 times.
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