Many employees can now do their work from home using modern technology. However, this change may only benefit workers, not the employers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Opinions differ on the benefits of remote work to both parties in employment. Personally, I disagree that
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trend only
favors
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favours
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staff since telecommuting offers improved work-life balance for
hirees
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hires
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and effective business management for
hirers
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hires
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.
Firstly
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, telework strengthens workers’ career-home
fulfillment
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fulfilment
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. As working conditions become enhanced, traditional office stress and mental strain can be alleviated, thereby improving employees’ productivity. For parents of infants and toddlers, their busy lives often require them not to leave the house, but if they do, they will be at their company’s desk,
heart
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racing with concerns over their children’s well-being, unable to complete any tasks. Remote work,
however
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, mitigates
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by allowing them to multitask between childcare and career matters.
Furthermore
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,
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change in working arrangements assures long-term health benefits, particularly
with
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for
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the middle-aged who can now avoid
traveling
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travelling
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the distance to their
companies
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company's
companies'
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past construction or polluted sites.
Additionally
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, telecommuting advances employers’ operations. With content staff working with flexible schedules from their home comfort, turnover rates are lessened, which boosts
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the company
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company
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company's
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reputation and attracts recruits.
Moreover
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, business finances can be managed more efficiently. Through saved expenses on office rent, supplies and
in person
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meetings, hirers are able to allocate these monetary means to raising workers’ salaries, furthering employee satisfaction and competence in company culture.
For instance
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, research suggests that a thriving firm is one where administrators effectively cut costs and save time, especially when telecommuting is chosen as the mode of operation. In conclusion, I firmly believe that transitioning to telework is the right step toward a sustainable future for the workplace. By transforming employees’ personal-professional lives and employers’ administrative practices,
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shift promotes a holistic approach
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to
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modern
labor
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labour
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.

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task achievement
Consider refining the thesis statement to make your position clearer from the start. Clearly outline the arguments you will present in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure a smoother flow between points by using more varied linking words and phrases to connect your ideas. This will enhance readability and logical progression.
task achievement
While you provide good examples, consider including more specific data or references to strengthen your arguments further and add credibility.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion and defends it well with arguments supporting both employees and employers.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion that follow a coherent pattern.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant and illustrate the points made effectively.
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