IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You recently noticed a local restaurant that was offering a part-time job. Write a letter to the restaurant’s manager. In your letter, – explain that you would like to apply for the job – give some details of any relevant experience that you have – specify the days and times that would suit you

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Dear Sir or Madam, I would like to request you that I am concerned
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
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 job which you mentioned on your billboard.
Firstly
Linking Words
,I am a student of mass communication and I
persue
Correct your spelling
pursue
 my studies but I
have
Add a missing verb
do have
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 not
much
Change the quantifier
many
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 sources so I thought that I have to start a job to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
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 my needs and saw
a
Change the article
an
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add
Correct your spelling
ad
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 towards your restaurant
however
Linking Words
 they demand
long
Add an article
a long
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period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
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 of work I would manage with my studies.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,I have 2
years
Change noun form
years'
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 experience in a cafe
which
Correct pronoun usage
whose
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 name was
khayam
Change the capitalization
Khayam
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 and it was
famous
Add an article
a famous
the famous
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 cafe in the city but I resigned because
salary
Correct article usage
the salary
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 package was low
that is
Linking Words
 why I left.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,my classes timing are
9
Change preposition
from 9
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to 3 and available on Monday to Friday in the evening
at
Change preposition
from
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 5 to 10 as far
as
Change preposition
on
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 Saturday and Sunday attend the
lecture
Fix the agreement mistake
lectures
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in
Change preposition
from
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 the morning to evening.If you gave me a favour
of
Change preposition
with
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 my timing
then
Linking Words
 I would
thankful
Add a missing verb
be thankful
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 to you. Thank you for your time and consideration. Yours faithfully, Rabia.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your intention to apply for the job in the introduction. Additionally, check the tone of your letter for formality, as this is a job application.
coherence and cohesion
Try to organize your ideas more clearly by introducing one main idea per paragraph. This will help improve the overall flow of your letter.
positive
You have provided relevant details about your experience, which is important in a job application.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Part-time job
  • Hospitality industry
  • Culinary courses
  • Customer service skills
  • Operational hours
  • Flexibility
  • Communication skills
  • Team spirit
  • Reputation
  • Cuisine
  • Eager
  • References
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