IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

SCHOOLS ARE SPENDING MORE TOME TEACHING TRADITIONAL SUBJECTS SUCH AS HISTORY. SOME PEOPLE THINK THEY SHOULD RATHER SPEND MORE TIME IN TEACHING SKILLS THAT CAN HELP STUDENTS FIND A JOB. TO WHAT EXTEND YOU AGREE OE DISAGREE?

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IT IS SAID THAT TEACHERS SHOULD ENHANCE STUDENTS´S
SKILLS
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 THAT WILL HELP THEM TO BE HIRED IN FUTURE JOBS, RATHER
SPEND
Correct word choice
THAN SPEND
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 TIME IN TRADITIONAL
EDUCATION
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. I WOULD ARGUE
THAT IS
Linking Words
 IMPORTANT TO HAVE A BACKGROUND OF TRADITIONAL
KNOWDLEGE
Correct your spelling
KNOWLEDGE
 COMPLEMENTED WITH
SKILLS
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WICH
Correct your spelling
WHICH
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 CAN ENHANCE THEIR JOB OPPORTUNITIES. AS YOUNG
PEOPLE
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 SEEK JOBS IN
THIS
Linking Words
 COMPETITIVE
WORLD
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, MOST OF THEM SHOULD HAVE CAPABILITIES IN MANY AREAS COMBINING BOTH, ACADEMIC AND SOFT
SKILLS
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.
FOR INSTANCE
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, THE MOST IMPORTANT COMPANIES AROUND THE
WORLD
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, LOOK FOR
PEOPLE
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 THAT CAN EXCEL IN TECHNICAL AREAS AND LEAD WORK TEAMS THAT NEED SOCIAL INTERACTION AND DEVELOPED SOFT
SKILLS
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.
THEREFORE
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, THE MORE KNOWLEDGE
PEOPLE
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 HAVE IN DIFFERENT
SUBJECTS
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, THE MORE OPPORTUNITIES THEY WILL HAVE TO GET BETTER JOBS AND LIKELY TO BE PROMOTED IN
A
Correct article usage
THE
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 SHORT TERM. INDEED, LEARNING MANY
SUBJECTS
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 COULD BRING A WIDE RANGE OF KNOWLEDGE THAT FOSTER
PEOPLE
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 TO STUDY A MAJOR IN SCIENCE IN ORDER TO SOLVE COMPLEX PROBLEMS. TO ILLUSTRATE
THIS
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, THERE IS A HUGE DEMAND
OF
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FOR
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 ENGINEERS IN PRODUCTIVE SECTORS,
WHICH
Fix the agreement mistake
WHO
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 ARE
WELL PAID
Add a hyphen
WELL-PAID
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 AND
THEY
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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ARE CONSTANTLY TRAINED TO ENHANCE THEIR TECHNICAL AND SOFT
SKILLS
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. IT IS RELEVANT FOR YOUNG
PEOPLE
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 TO BE PART OF THE WORKFORCE IN THE
WORLD
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, HAVING INNOVATED IDEAS TO MAKE A BETTER
WORLD
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 WHICH IS POSSIBLE JUST IF THEY HAVE A WIDE UPBRINGING
EDUCATION
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TO SUM UP
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,
ALTHOUGH
Linking Words
PEOPLE
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 BELIEVE THAT TRADITIONAL
SUBJECTS
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 ARE NOT RELEVANT WHEN IT COMES TO
SEEK
Wrong verb form
SEEKING
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 A JOB, THE BEST JOB OPPORTUNITIES AROUND THE
WORLD
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 ARE FOR
PEOPLE
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 WHO HAVE A INTEGRAL UPBRINGING
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EDUCATION
Correct word choice
AND EDUCATION
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. MAY
EDUCATION
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 IN MANY
SUBJECTS
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 BE COMPLEMENTED WITH VALUES TO HAVE LEADERS IN THE
WORLD
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.

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language
Ensure proper grammar and spelling throughout the essay. For instance, 'knowledge' is misspelled as 'knowdlege,' and 'which' is misspelled as 'wich.'
coherence
Aim for clearer transitions between points to enhance coherence. Using linking words could help guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
task achievement
Expand on your examples or provide more specific instances to make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
content
You present a clear opinion on the topic, advocating for a combination of traditional education and skills training.
content
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your argument and reiterates the importance of a well-rounded education.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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