In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In many nations today, if individuals need to search for a job, they have to leave their buddies and families to move out. I think there are lots of benefits that outweigh the disadvantages. Yes,there are many
oppurtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
that outrageous the weaknesses. the person who wants to work will have numerous
oppeirtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
in terms of
field
Add an article
the field
show examples
they want to choose.Moving out means moving to a better
place
Use synonyms
where many of the things are
good
Correct word choice
better
show examples
than the things that are
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
their native
place
Use synonyms
.which means the individual will have a lot to explore in terms of places,culture,environment,languages and
finally
Linking Words
and most crucial other residences
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
that area.
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
leaving everything that we
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
have
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
created all of a sudden and packing our staff which means our little life in a small bag and moving away is
quiet
Correct your spelling
quite
show examples
difficult but if we compare
this
Linking Words
with the things that we are going to have
a head
Correct your spelling
ahead
show examples
as a career
then
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
means nothing.The person who stays away will have a chance to build
network
Add an article
a network
show examples
with new people,
ability
Correct article usage
the ability
show examples
to handle complex situations on their own and mainly will become physically and mentally stronger than they used to be.
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
I am a person who came out of my comfort zone, my native
place
Use synonyms
and found a job with great
oppurtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
.
at
Capitalize word
At
show examples
first it
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
difficult but as time goes I got used to
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
place
Use synonyms
and the thing
i'm
Change the capitalization
I'm
show examples
most proud of is now
i'm
Change the capitalization
I'm
show examples
able to support my family financially from the job that
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
have been doing,taking up the responsibilities of my younger ones.Today everything is possible
ony
Correct your spelling
only
because
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
got a chance to explore the
oppurtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
that
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
have from going away if
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
had stayed back
then
Linking Words
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
would have nothing. In conclusion, the benefits of moving away from your
place
Use synonyms
are higher than 
Correct article usage
the sortcomings
show examples
sortcomings
Correct your spelling
shortcomings
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the clarity of your main ideas by ensuring each paragraph has a clear focus. Make sure each sentence contributes directly to the main argument.
language
Be mindful of grammatical errors and typos, as they can distract from your message. For instance, 'oppurtunities' should be 'opportunities' and 'quiet' should be 'quite'.
task achievement
Expand on your examples to provide a deeper understanding of your points. For instance, when discussing the person that you are, consider elaborating on how you developed resilience and what specific networks you built.
task achievement
Your introduction presents a clear opinion and is relevant to the topic of discussion.
task achievement
You provided a personal example, which adds authenticity and engages the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • relocation
  • employment prospects
  • professional development
  • cultural exposure
  • isolation
  • familial relationships
  • cost of living
  • career progression
  • mental health
  • significant life events
  • higher salaries
  • support families
  • broaden horizons
  • living standards
What to do next:
Look at other essays: