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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart shows shares of expenditures for five major categories in the United States, Canda the United Kingdom, and Japan in the year 2009

The bar chart shows shares of expenditures for five major categories in the United States, Canda the United Kingdom, and Japan in the year 2009
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The chart describes the data of
consumptions
Fix the agreement mistake
consumption
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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including food , housing ,
transporion
Correct your spelling
transportation
,
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 and clothing , from many
differents
Correct your spelling
different
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 countries during the period in 2009. At
the
Correct article usage
apply
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first glance , it is strikingly evident that in the general trend of all categories was decreasing ,
however
Linking Words
 , the figure
of
Change preposition
for
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housing's
Change preposition
housing in
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 the U.S was the highest level in the chart
while
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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the UK
of
Change preposition
apply
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health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 was the lowest common . Food and housing
of
Change preposition
in
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japan
Capitalize word
Japan
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was
Change the verb form
were
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 nearly
as
Change preposition
at
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 the same rate they were over 20 % .
In addition
Linking Words
, the transportation of
japan
Capitalize word
Japan
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 was double
than
Correct word choice
that
show examples
Use synonyms
health
Change preposition
of health
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care
Use synonyms
 and clothing. The rate of the
U.s
Correct your spelling
U.S
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 was
flauctuation
Correct your spelling
fluctuation
fluctuations
 but it
reaching
Wrong verb form
reached
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 the Lower point in clothing at under 5% . On the one hand, the UK were higher than Canada in food and housing at 20 % and 23% respectively.
In
Linking Words
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
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 the rate of Canada
were
Change the verb form
was
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 higher than the UK in transportation ,
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 and clothing .

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words health, care with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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