IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart and table below give information about what nursing graduates did after finishing their course in the UK in 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart and table below give information about what nursing graduates did after finishing their course in the UK in 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie chart illustrates the destiny of nursing students after finishing their university, divided into 5 groups.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the table
is expanding
Wrong verb form
expands
show examples
 the category which holds the most proportion of the chart
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and explains
exactcly
Correct your spelling
exactly
 in which field they had
start
Change the verb form
started
show examples
 their job.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the labour statistics for
this
Linking Words
 field
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 low,
thus
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
first
Add an article
the first
show examples
 graph, 84 per cent of them are employed in the related profession,
in addition
Linking Words
, only 2 per cent of them are experiencing unemployment, which is a low rate.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a few
population
Change to a plural noun
populations
show examples
 are continuing their
post graduates
Correct your spelling
postgraduates
show examples
, and about 4 per cent are combining their academic knowledge
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
simultaneously
Change the adverb
simultaneous
show examples
 work experience.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the contents of
second
Change the article
the second
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 picture, most of the students have chosen
working
Change the verb form
to work
show examples
 in hospitals,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, experiencing jobs in
tooth
Correct article usage
the tooth
show examples
 industry, had the lowest interest
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
 them.
Although
Linking Words
,
workimg
Correct your spelling
working
 in
Correct article usage
a hospital
show examples
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
show examples
 achieved the biggest society,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
, other categories,
such
Linking Words
 as women and public issues have a good rate too. To summarise
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, there is a big gap between the groups of different destinations of nurses, in which, most of them are occupied, or the rest of them are studying in relative courses.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the table
has shown
Wrong verb form
shows
show examples
 that most of them are interested
to interact
Change preposition
in interacting
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 directly with patients and
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 in
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
show examples
. In brief, graduates can
conform
Correct your spelling
confirm
show examples
 a reliable and good future for
this
Linking Words
 major.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to, on the other hand".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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