IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Popular hobbies and interests change over time and are more a reflection of trends and fashions than an indication of what individuals really want to do in their spare time. To what extent do you agree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer.

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Nowadays trends and fashions are
reflection
Change the noun form
reflections
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 of popular
hobbies
Use synonyms
 and
interests
Use synonyms
 that change
behavior
Add an article
the behavior
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 of individuals
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 really want to do in their free time. From my sight,
I’m definitely agree
Change the verb form
I definitely agree
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 with
this
Linking Words
 statement,
moreover
Linking Words
 own
hobbies
Use synonyms
 and
interests
Use synonyms
were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
positively
affected
Wrong verb form
affect
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on
Change preposition
apply
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people’s productivity. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will
proving
Change the verb form
prove
be proving
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 my opinion with evidence and facts.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the productivity of human work strongly depends on how a person gets rest from stress.
Hobbies
Use synonyms
 are the easiest way to reduce negative emotions
such
Linking Words
 as overwhelm, sadness and loneliness that usually happen from overworking.
According to
Linking Words
scientists
Change noun form
scientists'
scientist's
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 findings, almost 70% of employees suffer from
Add an article
the exhausted
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exhausted
Replace the word
exhaustive
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condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
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 at work.
However
Linking Words
, the rest of the workers find a solution in courses that
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 really want to do in their leisure time. Including trends and fashion which change every year
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 connect your feelings with
hobby
Correct pronoun usage
your hobby
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, a person with
interests
Use synonyms
 can easily generate new ideas in the workplace or improve a business plan.
For example
Linking Words
, expand
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 design of the new project and include fresh information about today's trends that reflect modern individualism. Companies need to hire more open-minded people with a new vision for the business. That's why we should have our own activities beyond work. In conclusion, popular
hobbies
Use synonyms
 and
interests
Use synonyms
 help people get rid of stress. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 everyone should find their daily activity to be more open-minded and creative.

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Grammatical accuracy
Clarify your stance in the introduction for clarity. Instead of saying ‘I’m definitely agree’, you could say ‘I definitely agree with this statement.’
Coherence
Improve the logical flow of ideas. Use linking phrases to connect your thoughts more clearly. For example, instead of ‘from my sight’, consider using ‘In my opinion’ or ‘From my perspective’.
Task response
Use more specific and clear examples to support your points. For instance, mention specific hobbies that are affected by trends and how they influence people's productivity more concretely.
Task achievement
You present a clear opinion on the topic and provide reasons to support it, which demonstrates your engagement with the task.
Task achievement
You attempted to discuss the impact of hobbies on productivity, which is a relevant point to the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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