IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You started in your present job two years ago. You now feel it is important for your career development to move to a different department in the same company. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter, say what you have learned in your present job suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department explain why you do not wish to leave the company You do NOT need to write any addresses.

Begin your letter as follows:

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Dear Manager, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to seek a new
role
Use synonyms
 in a different department of the company First and foremost, I want to express my deep gratitude for giving me an opportunity to work in your department. Working under you, for the
last
Linking Words
 two years, has made me learn many skills
such
Linking Words
 as sales pitching, data analysis, and using computers. The opportunity to engage directly with clients polished my sales skillset, making it
enriching
Correct article usage
an enriching
show examples
 experience. As I have been working
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
same
Add an article
a same
the same
show examples
role
Use synonyms
 for
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 two years, it is important for me to expand my horizons and gain
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 skillset in a different function with new responsibilities.
This
Linking Words
 exposure will make it easier for me to take a bigger
role
Use synonyms
 in future
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and will be a catalyst for my career growth.
While
Linking Words
 I aspire to take a different
role
Use synonyms
, I do not intend to leave the firm as my aspiration is to expand my skillset within the company. I thank you for your time
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and look forward to your response. Regards, Sumit Dua

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples of your skills and achievements related to your current role to strengthen your case for a new position.
coherence and cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to enhance the flow of your letter and make connections between your ideas clearer.
task achievement
Your appreciation for the opportunity and your desire to grow within the company are clearly expressed, showing commitment.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the letter is clear, with an appropriate greeting and closing.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • career development
  • transferable skills
  • interdepartmental collaboration
  • professional growth
  • enhance productivity
  • innovative solutions
  • company objectives
  • employee retention
  • initiative
  • corporate culture
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