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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart shows the percentages of the Canadian workforce in five major industries in 1850 and 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the percentages of the Canadian workforce in five major industries in 1850 and 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart provides information about the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of Canadian residents who have a career related to the five industries namely, manufacturing, services,
agriculture
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/fishing, construction, and energy/water between 1850 and 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
,
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service
Correct article usage
the service
show examples
industry
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 showed a dramatic
increase
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 over a period of 70 years
whereas
Linking Words
 manufacturing and
agriculture
Use synonyms
/fishing industries experienced the opposite tendency of the
service
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industry
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, the other two faculties saw a slight
increase
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 and decrease respectively. In 1850,
Use synonyms
service
Correct article usage
the service
show examples
industry
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 accounted for around a third of the total
proportion
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, which was marginally lower than manufacturing whose percentage was 36% as the top position of all. Regarding
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agriculture
Correct article usage
the agriculture
show examples
/fishing
industry
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, the
proportion
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 of the sector was approximately one-fifth of the total
proportion
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.
However
Linking Words
, in 2020, the
service
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 sector experienced a significant rise to more than 80%, which was just a
ninthfold
Correct your spelling
ninefold
ninth fold
increase
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of
Change preposition
in
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 manufacturing with 9%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, there was a substantial drop in the figure for manufacturing and
agriculture
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/fishing industries, to
one-forth
Correct your spelling
one-fourth
show examples
 of the percentage in 1850 and to only 1% respectively. In terms of the other two, there was a much less change in the
proportion
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 of them, with
3
Correct article usage
a 3
show examples
%
increase
Use synonyms
 in construction and with 2% decrease in energy/water.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, agriculture, service, industry, increase with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • workforce composition
  • significant shift
  • increase/decrease in percentage
  • service industries
  • manufacturing
  • construction
  • noteworthy trends
  • tech industry
  • economic evolution
  • technological evolution
  • main features
  • comparisons
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