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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart shows a comparison of the daily routines of school pupils between three countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows a comparison of the daily routines of school pupils between three countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The graph compares the lifestyle of students
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 three different
countries
Use synonyms
 –
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
States
Use synonyms
,
Australia
Use synonyms
, and
Canada
Use synonyms
. Especially, the chart gives us the number of
hours
Use synonyms
 during which the students sleep, study, or relax.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
hours
Use synonyms
 of sleeping in the three
countries
Use synonyms
 are similar,
while
Linking Words
 the
hours
Use synonyms
 of studying and relaxing change among the
countries
Use synonyms
. In the United
Use synonyms
States
Add a comma
States,
show examples
 the
hours
Use synonyms
 are equally distributed over the day, with 8.5
hours
Use synonyms
 of sleeping, 8
hours
Use synonyms
 of studying and 7.5
hours
Use synonyms
 of relaxing. Generally, the
hours
Use synonyms
 of
sleeping
Replace the word
sleep
show examples
 are
Linking Words
similarly
Change the word
similar
show examples
 in
Australia
Use synonyms
, amounting to 7
hours
Use synonyms
, and
Use synonyms
Canada
Change preposition
in Canada
show examples
, equal to 8
hours
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 the
hours
Use synonyms
 of studying are practically the same in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
States
Use synonyms
 – 8
hours
Use synonyms
 – and
Canada
Use synonyms
 – 8.5
hours
Use synonyms
 – in
Australia
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 figure is extremely high,
peaked
Wrong verb form
peaking
show examples
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 13
hours
Use synonyms
. Another interesting proportion is about relaxing. In the United
States
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
Canada
Add a comma
Canada,
show examples
 students spend the same amount of time relaxing, equal to 7.5
hours
Use synonyms
. In
Australia
Use synonyms
,
instead
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 percentage is just 4
hours
Use synonyms
, almost
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of the other
countries
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words countries, states, australia, canada, hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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