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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graphs below show the percentage of graduates that got full-time jobs after graduating from a university in Australia, and the average salary of both these types of graduates, from 2004 to 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs below show the percentage of graduates that got full-time jobs after graduating from a university in Australia, and the average salary of both these types of graduates, from 2004 to 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The graph below presents the percentages of
Math
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graduates
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 and other
graduates
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 who have full-time
jobs
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 after graduating from a university in Australia, and the average earnings of both these types of
graduates
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, from 2004 to 2012. From an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective , it is readily apparent that the salaries
both
Change preposition
of both
show examples
 these types of
graduates
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 were the same until 2008.
Math
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graduates
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 who have full-time
jobs
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 were steady in number compared with other
graduates
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.
first
Add a comma
first,
show examples
 the percentage of
Math
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graduates
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 with
full -time
Correct your spelling
full-time
show examples
jobs
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 was above 75% from 2004 to 2006 , from
this
Linking Words
 year a gradual increase in the percentage to reach
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak in 2008 of almost 79% . After two years slight decline in percentages until 2012 to become almost 75%. other
graduates
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 who have full-time
jobs
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 were below 75% in 2004 with a significant increase to reach 79% in 2008,
then
Linking Words
 dramatically decreased to become below 75% in 2012. Regarding the average salaries of both these types of
graduates
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 in 2004 and 2006, they were parallel to each other by 41,000
dollars
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 and 43000
dollars
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 , respectively. From 2008 till 2012 the salary raised by 7000
dollars
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 to become 56000 for
Math
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graduates
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.
While
Linking Words
 , other graduate's salaries average increased more than 4000
dollars
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 to become in
last
Linking Words
 year 51000
dollars
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 , which
less
Add a missing verb
is less
show examples
 than
Math
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graduates
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 by 4000
dollars
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words math, graduates, jobs, dollars with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Graduates
  • Full-time employment
  • Average salary
  • Fluctuating trend
  • Correlation
  • Coincide
  • Stagnated salaries
  • Sector influence
  • Cyclical economic factors
  • Employment percentages
  • Salary trends
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