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Writing Samples
Band 4

The table shows the proportion of women in the labour force and women in management in five countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant.

The table shows the proportion of women in the labour force and women in management in five countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant.
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The portion of women in the
labour
Use synonyms
force
Use synonyms
 and
management
Use synonyms
 in
Australia
Use synonyms
, Egypt,
Sri
Use synonyms
Lanka
Use synonyms
, Japan and
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States are shown in the table. It is
meassured
Correct your spelling
measured
 in
percentage
Use synonyms
. In general,
while
Linking Words
 Japan
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in
Use synonyms
Labour
Correct article usage
the Labour
show examples
Force
Use synonyms
,
Australia
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 and
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States
is
Verb problem
have
show examples
 the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in
management
Use synonyms
 among
other country
Change the wording
another country
other countries
show examples
. There are
noteable
Correct your spelling
notable
noticeable
difference
Fix the agreement mistake
differences
show examples
 between the highest and the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
Use synonyms
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 in
management
Use synonyms
 which is almost five times between
Sri
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Lanka
Use synonyms
 and
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States and
Australia
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. In Japan, there are 48%
Use synonyms
Change preposition
of woman
show examples
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
labour
Add an article
the labour
show examples
force
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 only 17%
Use synonyms
Change preposition
of woman
show examples
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 employed. In
contrary
Correct your spelling
contrast
show examples
, 20%
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Change preposition
of woman
show examples
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 in Egypt
in
Add a missing verb
are in
show examples
Use synonyms
labour
Add an article
the labour
show examples
force
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 12%
Use synonyms
Change preposition
of woman
show examples
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
in
Add a missing verb
are in
show examples
management
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 46%
Use synonyms
Change preposition
of woman
show examples
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 in
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
labour
Correct article usage
the labour
show examples
force
Use synonyms
 despite 43%
Use synonyms
Change preposition
of woman
show examples
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 in
management
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.  Among all
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
,
Sri
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Lanka
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 has the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
Change preposition
of woman
show examples
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 employed
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 only 9%,
while
Linking Words
 42%
Use synonyms
Change preposition
of woman
show examples
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 in
Sri
Use synonyms
Lanka
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
labour
Add an article
the labour
show examples
force
Use synonyms
. In
Australia
Use synonyms
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 42%
Use synonyms
Change preposition
of woman
show examples
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
labour
Add an article
the labour
show examples
force
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 43%
Use synonyms
Change preposition
of woman
show examples
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
employed
Add a missing verb
are employed
show examples
 which means more than
Use synonyms
Add an article
a woman
the woman
show examples
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 in the
labour
Use synonyms
force
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
employed in
Australia
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words labour, force, management, australia, sri, lanka, percentage, woman with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • labour force
  • management
  • statistics
  • disparities
  • trends
  • overall
  • notable differences
  • cultural factors
  • social factors
  • economic factors
  • gender equality
  • employment
  • roles
  • countries
  • analysis
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