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Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar chart shows the percentage of people who ate five portions of fruits and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the percentage of people who ate five portions of fruits and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart provides information with data about the proportion of
children
Use synonyms
, men and women who ate daily
five
Use synonyms
 parts of
fruits
Use synonyms
 and
vegetables
Use synonyms
 in the United Kingdom over a
period
Use synonyms
 of 7 years.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident
fron
Correct your spelling
from
 the chart that the percentage of individuals who
eats
Correct subject-verb agreement
eat
show examples
 fruit and
vegetables
Use synonyms
 increased
overall
Linking Words
 the
period
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
 ,
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
witnesses
Wrong verb form
witnessed
show examples
 the highest per cent , which ate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
five
Use synonyms
 portions of
fruits
Use synonyms
 and
vegetables
Use synonyms
 per day .
To begin
Linking Words
 with a detailed analysis, there was a gradual increase in the number of women
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 eat the
five
Use synonyms
 portions of
fruits
Use synonyms
 and
vegetables
Use synonyms
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, at the beginning of 2001 , there
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 24% of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
, and
then
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 figure went up by a
further
Linking Words
 6% in 2005 . In the next year,
this
Linking Words
 number experienced increased rapidly to reach a peak of 35% .Before dropping to 30%
at the end
Linking Words
 of
Use synonyms
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
 shown.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, men and
children
Use synonyms
 had the same trend , which
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the beginning of the
period
Use synonyms
 the proportion of meals was steady at 19% until 2003,
Linking Words
similarly
Add a comma
similarly,
show examples
children
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 steady at almost 13% . After
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 there was a significant increase in
this
Linking Words
 per cent which the number of men and
children
Use synonyms
 who eat
five
Use synonyms
 parts of
fruits
Use synonyms
 and
vegetables
Use synonyms
 increased to about 28% and 26% respectively in 2007 and
at the end
Linking Words
 of
decade
Add an article
the decade
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
 figure slightly decreased to 26 and 24 percentage in 2008.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end, overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words children, five, fruits, vegetables, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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