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Writing Samples
Band 7

The table presents how much people from five employment sectors earned, in three different salary levels in 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table presents how much people from five employment sectors earned, in three different salary levels in 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The tabular chart illustrates the earnings of individuals who were working in 5 distinct employment sectors: healthcare, transportation, finance, construction, and manufacturing in the
year
Use synonyms
 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest level of
salary
Use synonyms
 was in the finance department
however
Linking Words
 the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 was
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 building workers.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the majority of individuals who worked in hospitals and construction sites earned a maximum amount of
salary
Use synonyms
 in 2009.
According to
Linking Words
 the data, in the
year
Use synonyms
 2009, the highest
salary
Use synonyms
 was 8850
pounds
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the finance
employees
Use synonyms
 with a minimum of 1600
whereas
Linking Words
 on average the earning was about more than 3 times the lowest
salary
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in transportation,
while
Linking Words
 the majority of individuals earned 4580
pounds
Use synonyms
 and 2712 regularly,
minimum
Correct article usage
the minimum
show examples
 amount was comparatively low (843). Moving to the construction sector, around 4 times of base
salary
Use synonyms
 (790) was paid to the topmost
employees
Use synonyms
 and more than 2 times to regular workers which was 1945
pounds
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, 3500 and 2215
pounds
Use synonyms
 were the salaries of top and average people who work in manufacturing industries.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the low level of
employees
Use synonyms
 were paid only 930 in 2009.
Lastly
Linking Words
, in the
year
Use synonyms
 2009, the
salary
Use synonyms
 of the highest worker accounted for 2900
pounds
Use synonyms
 and for average people it was reduced by 1000
pounds
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, the low-level hospital
employees
Use synonyms
 earned 890
pounds
Use synonyms
 throughout the
year
Use synonyms
.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words year, salary, pounds, employees with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • earnings
  • employment sectors
  • salary levels
  • healthcare
  • education
  • technology
  • manufacturing
  • finance
  • proportion
  • distribution
  • roles
  • pay grades
  • concentration
  • lower salary range
  • higher concentration
  • lucrative opportunities
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