IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

In
this
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 day and age, many
people
Use synonyms
 have to leave their loved ones looking for better opportunities
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 work in other countries.
This
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 is an actual way of living that many
youngers
Correct your spelling
youngsters
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 are doing for a better living. In
this
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 essay
first
Add the comma(s)
, first
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 of all, my opinion with arguments will be presented and
Linking Words
finally
Add a comma
finally,
show examples
 the conclusion of
this
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 topic will be provided. Frankly speaking, I strongly believe that the advantages of
this
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 approach outweigh the
disadavantages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
, owing to the fact that emigration allows the younger professionals to achieve better opportunities
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 work.
Moreover
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,
this
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 situation helps the workers to develop their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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 more,
due to
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, in other
nations
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nations,
show examples
 many industries are more evolved than others.
Additioanally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
 noteworthy, provided statistics
of
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from
show examples
Harvard's
Change noun form
Harvard
show examples
 University confirm that leaving your residence for better chances of employment allows professionals to grow their careers and supports their professional development.
Secondly
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, moving abroad
also
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 good points for personal development.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that when
people
Use synonyms
 emigrate to another city they have to learn a new culture and get adapted to it.
For
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this
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 reason, they have to meet new local residents with different ways of living and
also
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 thinking. To confirm
this
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 idea, a study done by California's university showed that the
people
Use synonyms
 who move abroad to another country develop more social skills than the
people
Use synonyms
 who don't.
Furthermore
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, they have the chance to get
known
Change the verb form
to know
show examples
 themselves more since they are alone when they first
came
Wrong verb form
come
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 to the new residence.
To sum up
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, for the reasons presented, I am of the school of thought that believes that moving abroad for work
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 more
positives
Change the noun form
positive
show examples
 outcomes than staying in your hometown, since it allows
people
Use synonyms
 to
greow
Correct your spelling
grow
 professionally and
also
Linking Words
 helps to broaden your horizons and perspectives.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the clarity and organization of your main points. Each paragraph should clearly focus on a single idea, and transitions between ideas can be smoother.
task achievement
Ensure that you thoroughly develop all your ideas with relevant examples and provide complete support for your arguments.
task achievement
You presented a clear opinion and attempted to present supporting arguments, which shows your ability to engage with the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps convey your ideas systematically.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • relocation
  • employment prospects
  • professional development
  • cultural exposure
  • isolation
  • familial relationships
  • cost of living
  • career progression
  • mental health
  • significant life events
  • higher salaries
  • support families
  • broaden horizons
  • living standards
What to do next:
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