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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
The following bar charts report on the changes in
employment
Use synonyms
 percentages of
men
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 and
women
Use synonyms
 in the age group of 60-64 in 1970 and 2000. The report focuses on the
employment
Use synonyms
 rate in four countries, which are Australia, Japan,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
, and Belgium. From 1970 to 2000, the four countries experienced a considerable declining trend in the percentage of
men
Use synonyms
 in
employment
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the percentages of
women
Use synonyms
 differed slightly in those years, with half of them declining and the others increasing.
Overall
Linking Words
, Japan has the highest
employment
Use synonyms
 rate for both
men
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 and
women
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 in the two compared years,
although
Linking Words
 it declined from 1970 to 2000, with 84
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 for
men
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 in 1970 to 76
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2000, and respectively for
women
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 with 43
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to 40
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Among the four countries in both years, Belgium remained to have the lowest percentage of
women
Use synonyms
 in
employment
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, with only 9
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 1970, and it even slightly decreased to 7
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2000.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
employment
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 rate for
men
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 in Belgium dropped significantly from 79
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 1970, which was the second highest in that period, to becoming the lowest
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 19
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2000.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words employment, men, women, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Employment rate
  • Percentage
  • Significant increase/decrease
  • Fluctuation
  • Gender disparity
  • Trend
  • Decline
  • Improvement
  • Variation
  • Noteworthy
  • Aligned
  • Comparative analysis
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