IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The position of women has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years. But these societies cannot claim to have achieved gender equality. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Over
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 50 years, undoubtedly, families
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 gone through a massive drift in
society's
Change noun form
society
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 but on
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 hand committees witnessing
this
Linking Words
 change cannot claim to have attained gender quality. I deeply agree with the statement and will elaborate
my
Change preposition
on my
show examples
 opinion in upcoming paragraphs. At
first,
Linking Words
it can be said that
women
Use synonyms
 had numerous restrictions in past which are now
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
been removed in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
order to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lift the growth of females in every sector of our society be it engineering medical or even
defences
Correct article usage
the defences
show examples
 sector
women
Use synonyms
 are now leading the nation by their own
for example
Linking Words
 many nations have
female
Add an article
a female
show examples
 as their prime ministers and various high ragged positions in
army
Add an article
the army
an army
show examples
 of India
Add the comma(s)
, as well as other nations,
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
 other nations are being held by
women
Use synonyms
.
secondly
Linking Words
, various unwanted customs related to
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 or now and various acts and programs are taken in action to enhance the growth of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 as
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 in our societies
on the other hand
Linking Words
 of
coin
Add an article
the coin
show examples
 many committees are still being
narrow
Change the adjective
narrowly
show examples
 minded and are not ready to accept the change in
Use synonyms
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 development in various remote areas female foeticide is a stiller prominent and female child is not sent to school for education
also
Linking Words
 many reasons tell me
leave
Add the particle
to leave
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 that a window cannot get married once her husband has died. In a nutshell, one can see that
women
Use synonyms
 are growing by
a steps
Correct the article-noun agreement
steps
a step
show examples
 eat day in each and every field of our society but
still
Add a comma
still,
show examples
 we have individuals with prejudiced thinking which is no more than a stumbling block in achieving a goal of generic equality.

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language
Try to use more varied and accurate language to clearly convey your ideas. Avoid small grammatical errors and maintain consistency in your verb tenses.
structure
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and cohesive devices to connect your ideas smoothly.
content
You present relevant examples, such as women in leadership roles, to support your views, which strengthens your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender equality
  • historical context
  • gender pay gap
  • underrepresentation
  • leadership roles
  • gender-based violence
  • educational opportunities
  • workforce
  • legal reforms
  • statistics
  • case studies
  • global perspective
  • progressive changes
  • cultural differences
  • empowerment
  • patriarchy
  • systemic discrimination
What to do next:
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