Some people get into debt by buying things they do not need and are unable to afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?

Many individuals fall into debt
as a result
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of purchasing items that are neither essential nor affordable.
This
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behaviour is influenced by relentless advertising. to address
this
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issue,
i
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I
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believe it is the responsibility of governments to regulate advertising.
First
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The first
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reason for
this
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spending habit is the illusion advertising, many adverts subtly persuade consumers by associating products with glamour, success, or happiness, leading people to believe that buying certain items will enhance their social image.
asFor
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for
example One key reason for
this
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spending habit is the illusion advertising creates. Many adverts subtly persuade consumers by associating products with glamour, success, or happiness, leading people to believe that buying certain items will enhance their social image.
This
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effect is especially powerful among young people, who may be unable to differentiate between genuine needs and marketing manipulation.
Additionally
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, advertising often fosters materialism, encouraging the idea that owning more leads to a better life. These tactics shift focus away from a balanced and meaningful lifestyle, resulting in unnecessary consumption and, eventually, debt.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction mentions the problem but lacks a clear thesis statement about why the actions of governments should tackle this issue. Try to make it clearer what your main argument will be.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay seems to jump from one idea to another without smooth transitions. Try to use linking words like 'firstly', 'also', or 'for example' to improve flow and connection between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
You give one example of advertising's effect, but it could be stronger with more detailed examples and explanations. Try to add more specific examples related to your claims.
Task Achievement
You clearly identified advertising as a main cause of debt, which helps to focus your argument.
Task Achievement
You discussed the impact of advertising on young people, which adds depth to your analysis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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