IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Since the 18th century, technological advancements have replaced people in the workplace. With today's technology, this process is happening at a greater rate. Technology is increasingly responsible for unemployment. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?"

In the past few decades, employees
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been replaced in their workplace
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
robot
Fix the agreement mistake
robots
show examples
 and machines,
thus
Linking Words
 contributing to an increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the unemployment rate.
While
Linking Words
 it is true that technological devices have led
less
Change preposition
to less
show examples
 need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 certain competence, I believe that technology
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 created a plethora of new job
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
. On the one hand, many countries are allocating a huge amount of money on digital transition to abilitate the
so called
Add a hyphen
so-called
show examples
Industry
Use synonyms
 4.0. In that
industry
Use synonyms
, mechanical tasks are planned to be finalised by robots and machines, which are considered more precise and quick than physical workers.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, some
competences
Correct your spelling
competencies
show examples
 are becoming not useful in certain industries. Take the
texile
Correct your spelling
textile
industry
Use synonyms
, in the past at least 5
person
Change to a plural noun
people
show examples
 were needed to design, create and pack clothes. Now, with online rendering and automated machines only a supervisor is essential.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are new job opportunities created by technology,
such
Linking Words
 as
ditigal
Correct your spelling
digital
 marketing, programming, and social media manager. Even if these require different skills, universities and schools are redeveloping their courses aiming to create
workforce
Correct article usage
a workforce
show examples
 aligned with the renovated job market.
For instance
Linking Words
, the Catholic University of Sacred Heart in Milan has launched the first course entirely focused on digital skills and how to manage technologies.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
 of companies retain their workforce offering upskills programs which are useful to relocate workers inside the company without firing them. In conclusion, fast-paced changes in the
industry
Use synonyms
 pose a threat to employees in sectors undergoing a change in skills.
However
Linking Words
, many other jobs are emerging, and
in addition
Linking Words
 to unemployment, there has been a relocation of workers.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion. It should answer the question directly.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear and easy transitions between paragraphs for better flow, like 'firstly', 'next', 'finally'.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to back up your points. This will help make your argument stronger.
content
You have shown a balanced view of the topic by discussing both sides.
content
Your conclusion nicely summarizes your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • technology
  • unemployment
  • jobs
  • workers
  • machines
  • factories
  • automation
  • tasks
  • skills
  • income
  • opportunities
  • programming
  • digital marketing
  • create
  • change
  • market
What to do next:
Look at other essays: