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Writing Samples
Band 4

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bars illustrate the destinations of
masters
Change noun form
master's
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 and PhD degree
students
Use synonyms
 from the United Kingdom after they graduate in 2008. The data does not include
the
Correct article usage
apply
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information regarding the
students
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 who did full-time
work
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. 
Overall
Linking Words
, the
further
Linking Words
 study option had been chosen the most,
while
Linking Words
 voluntary
work
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 was not quite popular amongst
the
Remove the article
apply
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both
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 of
students
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
, unemployment had been moderately allocated.  In the first decade of
twenty first
Add a hyphen
twenty-first
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 century, 29,665 graduate
students
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 chose to continue their education. They comprised the majority of the people who completed their studies.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, working
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
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 was another
alernative
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alternative
 for 17,735
students
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, who constituted the second largest group. The difference between these two sets was notable.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the trend of choosing follow-up
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
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 and part-time
work
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 within the group of postgraduate scholars was not so distinct.
While
Linking Words
 2,725 of them decided to enhance their academic skills, 2,535 landed in
professional
Add an article
the professional
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 realm. 
Lastly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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voluntary
work
Use synonyms
 had been desired the least. Merely 3,500 and 345 graduates and postgraduates respectively did.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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