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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000.

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000.
The bar charts compare the numbers of men and women aged 60 to 64 in
employment
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 in four countries:
Australia
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 ,
Japan
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 ,The
USA
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, and
Belgium
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, in the years 1970 and 2000.
Overall
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, male
employment
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 in all countries
are
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is
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 higher than that of
female
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females
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. male
employment
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 showed a decline
through out
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throughout
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 the two years , and had the most significant
decreasein
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decrease in
Belgium
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.
however
Linking Words
, female
employment
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 in
Australia
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 and The
USA
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 rose gradually ,
while
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 it
droped
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dropped
 slightly in
Japan
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 and
Belgium
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. male
employment
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 decreased in all the four
countrise
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countries
:
Australia
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 ,
Japan
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, The
USA
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 and
Belgium
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.
Australia
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 had the second dramatic fall at 74% to 47% in 2000.
Japan
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 had the highest number of male
employment
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 at 84% in 1970 but it dropped
but
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apply
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slightly to 76 in 2000.
Linking Words
also The
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Also the
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USA
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 number declined from 77 to 53% in 2000

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words employment, australia, japan, usa, belgium with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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