IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.) Describe the information presented below, comparing results for men and women in the categories shown. Suggest reasons for what you see.

The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.) Describe the information presented below, comparing results for men and women in the categories shown. Suggest reasons for what you see.
The chart illustrates data about the average unpaid working
hours
Use synonyms
 per week in marriage life, divided by gender.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
married women have an increase in unpaid
hours
Use synonyms
 when having more
children
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 married men are more productive reflected by
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
downward
tendencies
Correct the article-noun agreement
tendency
show examples
. On the one hand,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
married women
experience
Wrong verb form
experienced
show examples
 an upward trend in unpaid working
hours
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the number of
children
Use synonyms
 increased. The wives spend 30
hours
Use synonyms
 when having no
children
Use synonyms
. The number is significantly growing
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
when 1-2
children
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
birthed
Verb problem
born
show examples
 to around 52
hours
Use synonyms
. When having 3 or more
children
Use synonyms
, unpaid
hours
Use synonyms
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
slightly increase to 55
hours
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
married men show a gradual decrease in unpaid working
hours
Use synonyms
 when having more
children
Use synonyms
. It can be seen the husbands work more to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their family needs. In the first stage of
marriages
Fix the agreement mistake
marriage
show examples
 when there are no
children
Use synonyms
, the men spend about 19
hours
Use synonyms
. With 1-2 and 3+
children
Use synonyms
, the number
is slightly fall
Change the verb form
slightly falls
show examples
 to 18 and 15
hours
Use synonyms
, respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, children with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • diagram
  • unpaid work
  • categories
  • average hours
  • men
  • women
  • comparison
  • overview
  • highest
  • differences
  • reasons
  • childcare
  • housework
  • gardening
  • gender roles
  • societal expectations
  • cultural norms
  • work-life balance
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