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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph below shows the fast food consumption in various regions around the world from 1980 to 2022. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph below shows the fast food consumption in various regions around the world from 1980 to 2022. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line graph illustrates teenagers'
consumption
Use synonyms
 of three different fast
food
Use synonyms
category
Fix the agreement mistake
categories
show examples
 in Australia between 1975 and 2022.
Overall
Linking Words
, Australian teenagers ate
pizza
Use synonyms
,
fish
Use synonyms
 and
chips
Use synonyms
, and hamburgers from 1975 to 2000.
while
Linking Words
 the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of
fish
Use synonyms
 and
chips
Use synonyms
 declined over time, the intake of
pizza
Use synonyms
 and hamburgers increased steadily. The
teenagers
Change to a genitive case
teenager's
teenagers'
show examples
consumption
Use synonyms
 of
fish
Use synonyms
 and
chips
Use synonyms
 was higher than other fast
food
Use synonyms
 in 1975.
However
Linking Words
,
consumption
Use synonyms
 of
fish
Use synonyms
 and
chips
Use synonyms
 decreased significantly in 2000. The lowest
consumption
Use synonyms
number
Use synonyms
 was
pizza
Use synonyms
 in 1975.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
the number
show examples
 of eaten
pizza
Use synonyms
 increased gradually from nearly 5 in 1975 to 85 in 1995.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
 remained stable from 95 in
recent
Correct word choice
the last
show examples
 five years.
Also
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
consumption
Use synonyms
 hamburgers rose significantly from approximately 10 in 1975 to 100 in 1995.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
 remained stable from 100 between 1995 and 2000.
Finally
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
eaten
Verb problem
apply
show examples
fish
Use synonyms
 and
chips
Use synonyms
 fluctuated significantly between 1975 to 1985.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
 decreased significantly from under 100 in 1985 to 40 in 2000.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words consumption, food, pizza, fish, chips, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 4 times.
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