The chart below shows the proportion of males and females in Malaysia who commonly do physical activity in 2010. Aruzhan

The chart below shows the proportion of males and females in Malaysia who commonly do physical activity in 2010. Aruzhan
IELTS Writing Task Chart for The chart below shows the proportion of males and females in Malaysia who commonly do physical activity in 2010. Aruzhan
The percentage of Malaysian
women
Use synonyms
and men who regularly exercised across different
age
Use synonyms
groups is illustrated on the line graph throughout the year 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the figure of Malaysian females who engage in physical exercises on a regular basis was higher in almost all
age
Use synonyms
categories,
while
Linking Words
the number of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
ones
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was on
its
Change the word
the
show examples
top in the youngest
age
Use synonyms
group. In the youngest
age
Use synonyms
group
Add a comma
group,
show examples
15 to 24, almost 52% of Malaysian men but only around 47% of
women
Use synonyms
involved themselves in regular physical activity in 2010.
However
Linking Words
, between the ages of 25 and 44,
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
were much less active on average than
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
. In comparison, in the 35 to 44
age
Use synonyms
group, only 39.5% of males did some form of regular exercise, compared to 52% of
women
Use synonyms
. Between the ages of 45 and 64, the figure for male physical activity rose significantly to around 45%,
while
Linking Words
the proportion of active ladies still remained 8% higher, at 53%.
Finally
Linking Words
, the ratio of both genders with
age
Use synonyms
65 and over was almost identical, at approximately 47%. The proportion of females and males in Malaysia doing regular physical exercise fluctuated depending on their ages, but
women
Use synonyms
dominated over men for all the
age
Use synonyms
groups except (15 to 24).

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words women, age with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: