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The chart below shows the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010.

The chart below shows the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010.
The pie charts depict the
share
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 at a university in England who were able to speak other languages including German only, French only, Spanish only, two other languages, another
language
Use synonyms
 or no other
language
Use synonyms
 in 2000 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, speaking Spanish was the most popular option for
students
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 both years. Only speaking another
language
Use synonyms
 increased
while
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 speaking no other
language
Use synonyms
 and
French only
Add a hyphen
French-only
show examples
 speakers declined. German and two other
language
Use synonyms
 speakers’
share
Use synonyms
 increased in 2010 compared to 2000. The
share
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 who speak Spanish other than English was 30% and 35% in 2000 and 2010 respectively
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
While
Linking Words
,
that
Correct word choice
whereas that
show examples
 of
students
Use synonyms
 speaking German only and two other languages
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 almost a third of the former (10%). The portion of scholars speaking another
language
Use synonyms
 was 15% in 2000,
this
Linking Words
 figure grew by 5% in 2010. In 2010, the percentage of scholars speaking no other
language
Use synonyms
 declined to half of its
share
Use synonyms
 in 2000 (20% to 10%) and the
share
Use synonyms
 of French speakers declined by a third of its original number in 2000 (10%).

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words share, students, language with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bilingual
  • multilingual
  • proficiency
  • linguistic diversity
  • polyglot
  • language acquisition
  • second language (L2)
  • foreign language
  • fluency
  • working knowledge
  • mother tongue
  • language competence
  • language decline
  • cultural exchange
  • global language
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