IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The first chart show how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emission which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The first chart show how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emission which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The
apply
Verb problem
apply
show examples
two pie charts give information about the average Australian household's energy use
as well as
Linking Words
 greenhouse gas emissions . The data is represented in percentages. First and foremost, it is clearly seen that the maximum percentage of energy used for water heating and heating, which are 30% and 42% respectively.
Although
Linking Words
 other appliances use 15% of energy, refrigeration, cooling and lighting remain under 10%
In contrast
Linking Words
, cooling and lighting, heating,
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
getting less than 15 % greenhouse emissions. Other appliances are around 28% as compared with water heating which is 32 per cent.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: