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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. Describe the information presented below. Comparing results for men and women in the categories shown. Suggest reasons for what you see.

The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. Describe the information presented below. Comparing results for men and women in the categories shown. Suggest reasons for what you see.
The provided diagram demonstrates a comparison between
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 in unpaid
work
Use synonyms
 per week. It is obvious from the diagram that married
women
Use synonyms
 do more
work
Use synonyms
 with their families than
men
Use synonyms
. Starting with couples with no children,
women
Use synonyms
's performance is more than
men
Use synonyms
's by around one-third. Followed by families with one or two children, the
work
Use synonyms
hours
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
 surged sharply to above fifty
hours
Use synonyms
, and the working
hours
Use synonyms
 of
men
Use synonyms
 showed some stability.
Finally
Linking Words
, the unpaid
work
Use synonyms
hours
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
 who have 3 children increased slightly
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 almost 60
hours
Use synonyms
.
Conversely
Linking Words
,
men
Use synonyms
's
work
Use synonyms
hours
Use synonyms
 dropped to 15
hours
Use synonyms
. To sum it up,
women
Use synonyms
 take the biggest share of working
hours
Use synonyms
 among families.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
men
Use synonyms
 do less than
women
Use synonyms
, even with the family expansion.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, work, hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Unpaid work
  • Household chores
  • Gender roles
  • Disparity
  • Societal expectations
  • Cultural norms
  • Full-time housewives
  • Part-time jobs
  • Traditional responsibilities
  • Domestic roles
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