IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows employment patterns for males and females in New Zealand in 1993 and 2003. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make the comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows employment patterns for males and females in New Zealand in 1993 and 2003. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make the comparisons where relevant.
The given
table
Use synonyms
 demonstrates and compares occupation patterns a both men and women in New Zealand between 1993 and 2003
Overall
Linking Words
. The
table
Use synonyms
 clearly
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
 that,in the year 1993 . In
1993
Punctuation problem
1993,
show examples
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 rate of
workforce male
Correct word order
male workforce
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the Sector
show examples
Sector
Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
show examples
:
Agriculture
Use synonyms
,
Business
Use synonyms
 and Building
higher
Verb problem
was higher
show examples
 than
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 and
sector
Use synonyms
 other the
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
higher
Verb problem
was higher
show examples
 than
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
. Over a decade
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 percentage of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
field
Correct article usage
the field
show examples
 respectively
:
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
agriculture
Use synonyms
,
business
Use synonyms
 and manufacturing
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
building
Verb problem
is
show examples
 higher than
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 and
different
Correct word choice
other
show examples
Use synonyms
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
Punctuation problem
, female
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
higher
Verb problem
are higher
show examples
 than
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 example was services and support. Looking at the
table
Use synonyms
 from
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
detailer
Use the right word
detailed
show examples
 perspective,in 1993
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
field
Use synonyms
 service and transport was the first of ranked in male ranked second was manufactured about 25 % and
agriculture
Use synonyms
 was about 8% . The remaining 2 industries
insignificant
Verb problem
are insignificant
show examples
. Next is the rate of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 in
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
show examples
.
The
Correct word order
Agriculture occupied the
show examples
agriculture
Use synonyms
 occupied majority in
Use synonyms
table
Correct article usage
the table
show examples
 and highest
with
Change preposition
among
show examples
 other
Use synonyms
sector
Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
show examples
. The
field
Use synonyms
 manufacturer had rates about 16% threefold with social and services.The
field
Use synonyms
 building and
business
Use synonyms
 had the number
averaged
Replace the word
average
show examples
 was about 10% Over a decade has
a
Verb problem
seen a
show examples
big
transformate
Correct your spelling
transformation
. The percentage of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
sector
Correct article usage
the sector
show examples
service
Change preposition
of service
show examples
 and transport
lower
Verb problem
is lower
show examples
 5% than
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
.The proportion of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 in
industry
Correct article usage
the industry
show examples
a cultivate
Verb problem
is
show examples
 2% higher than
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
.In comparison with
Use synonyms
sector
Correct article usage
the sector
show examples
business
Use synonyms
 in
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 occupied 25% ,3% higher than
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
, both
Use synonyms
field
Correct article usage
the field
show examples
manufacter
Correct your spelling
of manufacturing
 and building male higher than
Change preposition
for female
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
.
By
Linking Words
contrast
Punctuation problem
contrast,
show examples
 in
sector
Use synonyms
 social and service the
Punctuation problem
, female
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
twofold
Verb problem
are twofold
show examples
 with
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples

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Vocabulary: Replace the words table, sector, agriculture, business, field with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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