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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show the percentage of workers in three sectors across four countries in 1980 and 2010.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentage of workers in three sectors across four countries in 1980 and 2010.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The graph demonstrates the proportion of workers in three different sectors, namely agriculture, industry and services , in 1980 and 2010 in Germany, the USA, Japan and
China
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, most growth was seen in industries across all the sectors in most of the countries,
whereas
Linking Words
 agriculture became the least popular among all nations. The number of
people
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 working in the services sector decreased throughout all the countries, with the largest percentage working in Germany at a little over 40% in
2010
Punctuation problem
2010,
show examples
 as compared to almost 50% in 1980 and the least in
China
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 at nearly 22% in 2010.
Additionally
Linking Words
, in every country, except
China
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, most of the
people
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 prefer working in industries,
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
 most working in Germany, followed by Japan and
then
Linking Words
 the USA, at nearly 81%, 79% and 70% respectively. A lot of
people
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 of various nationalities left the agriculture sector, most notably in
China
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, decreasing from almost 70% in 1980 to nearly 50% in 2010. In conclusion, the proportion of workers in
China
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 decreased significantly in every sector,
whereas
Linking Words
 in other countries,
people
Use synonyms
 shifted to different sectors.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words china, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • sector
  • distribution
  • dominance
  • decline
  • significant changes
  • employment
  • patterns
  • trends
  • global
  • compare
  • highlight
  • examine
  • identify
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