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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The tables below provide information about the consumption and production of potatoes in five parts of the world in 2006. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The tables below provide information about the consumption and production of potatoes in five parts of the world in 2006. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The table portrays the information
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
show examples
 and manufacture of
potatoes
Use synonyms
 globally in five different countries
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 South and Central America, Africa, North America,
Europe
Use synonyms
 and Asia
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 the year 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Europe
Use synonyms
 is the largest country in which Germany and Russia
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
holds
Correct subject-verb agreement
hold
show examples
 the greatest
utilization
Use the right word
utilisation
show examples
 of
potatoes
Use synonyms
 per person,
while
Linking Words
on the other hand
Linking Words
, in terms of
Use synonyms
potatoes
Fix the agreement mistake
potato
show examples
 production
Asia
Punctuation problem
, Asia
show examples
 is the biggest among all
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 grow
this
Linking Words
 vegetable in million tonnes.
According to
Linking Words
provided
Correct article usage
the provided
show examples
 data, it is noticeable that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
Europe
Use synonyms
 consumed the highest amount of
potatoes
Use synonyms
 per
individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual
show examples
, which is 96.1.
Whereas
Linking Words
, Asian and American citizens spent 25.8 and 23.6
kilogram
Fix the agreement mistake
kilograms
show examples
 per
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
NorthAmerica
Correct your spelling
North America
 is the only region
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 used approximately 58 kg per
individual
Punctuation problem
individual,
show examples
while
Linking Words
 Africa
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
 of among of with only 14.1 kg. In
contrary
Use the right word
contrast
show examples
, Asia and
Europe
Use synonyms
stands
Correct subject-verb agreement
stand
show examples
 first and second cultivation of
potatoes
Use synonyms
 in million tonnes
having
Punctuation problem
, having
show examples
 the
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of 131.2 and 126.3
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
rest
Verb problem
the remaining
show examples
 three countries are limited for the progress in vegetables
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
 instance, 24.7 for North
American
Use the right word
America
show examples
, 16.4 for
African
Use the right word
Africa
show examples
 and 15.6 for South and Central
American
Use the right word
America
show examples
 netizens respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words potatoes, europe with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • produce
  • production
  • consume
  • consumption
  • amount
  • world
  • region
  • China
  • India
  • Russia
  • Germany
  • important
  • diet
  • staple
  • high
  • notable
  • data
  • show
  • reflects
  • correlation
  • demonstrate
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