IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The most essential component of a person's life is his or her time at the workplace, and life turns meaningless once no job satisfaction is obtained. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Work is
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
irreplacble
Correct your spelling
irreplaceable
 thing in a person's
life
Use synonyms
 that
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 them to earn bread and butter for their families. It is
condemned
Verb problem
considered
show examples
 that worktime is considered as
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 extremely crucial period of everyone's
life
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, if people
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not satisfied with it,
then
Linking Words
 their
existance
Correct your spelling
existence
 can become illogical. I completely agree with the abovementioned statement and will explain my viewpoints in forthcoming paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it is really mandatory to have
contendment
Correct your spelling
contentment
 in
life
Use synonyms
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 in our professional and personal
life
Use synonyms
,
otherwise
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
Use synonyms
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 chaotic. If a person doesn't have
feeling
Correct article usage
a feeling
show examples
 of fulfilment from his/her work, it can
lay
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a drastic effect on
company's
Correct article usage
the company's
show examples
 productivity. To explain it, fresh ideas
comes
Correct subject-verb agreement
come
show examples
 out of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fresh minds. Dissatisfaction
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 can create
boredum
Correct your spelling
boredom
 and can resist
mind
Correct article usage
the mind
show examples
to come
Change preposition
from coming
show examples
 up with innovative ideas, which can decline the growth of the organisations.
Along with
Linking Words
 it,
Workforce
Correct article usage
the Workforce
show examples
 which is not gratified by their occupations can lead to emotional and mental illness. As
populace
Correct article usage
the populace
show examples
spent
Wrong verb form
spends
show examples
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of their day at their offices, it is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
key that they should be happy for their
overall
Linking Words
 wellness
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 if they are not, they can suffer
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
 psychological problems
such
Linking Words
 as depression, low energy and
blank
Correct article usage
a blank
show examples
 mind
Punctuation problem
, etcetra
show examples
etcetra
Correct your spelling
etc
. These problems can even
go
Verb problem
get
show examples
 worse
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 if not
analyzed
Use the right word
analysed
show examples
 at
proper
Correct article usage
the proper
show examples
 time. Conclusively, gratification in
life
Use synonyms
 is necessary to have a happy and healthy
life
Use synonyms
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 in major aspects
such
Linking Words
 as work. If
this
Linking Words
would be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 neglected, it can negatively impact the growth of workers and the companies
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 where they are employed.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction needs to be clearer. State your position more directly.
Task Achievement
Try to use clearer examples to support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use clearer sentences and check spelling e.g., 'irreplaceable' instead of 'irreplaceble'.
Task Achievement
You have clearly stated your agreement with the topic.
Task Achievement
Your ideas about job satisfaction and its effects are relevant.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • essential
  • component
  • job
  • satisfaction
  • meaningless
  • extent
  • agree
  • disagree
  • happiness
  • purpose
  • contributes
  • society
  • motivated
  • impact
  • mental
  • emotional
  • health
  • connections
  • relationships
  • opportunities
  • hobbies
  • personal
  • life
  • measure
  • meaningful
What to do next:
Look at other essays: